Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
