my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
