Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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