The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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