Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
