Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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