im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
