You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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