You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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