Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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