I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
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