...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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