I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
