I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so let's talk penis.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
