Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
