I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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