I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
