I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
