If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
