cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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