Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
