Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
