overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
