This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
