And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
