we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
