He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
