He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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