It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
