I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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