well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
