i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
