I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
