Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
