Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My vagina just recognized that song.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This is the high leading the old right now
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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