you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
