Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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