and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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