I've blown a few things in my day
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i need some magic done to my vagina
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
