I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
