We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
