she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
