Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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