Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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