dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
