I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
No subtext here. People are naked.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
