cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
We smell like vodka and hangover
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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