You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
They have beer where we have blood.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
