It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
