my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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