you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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