weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Houston, we have a blender
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
