Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
