and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
