You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
