You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
