I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
