Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
